Monday, August 16, 2010

How can I help my boyfriend deal with my health problems?

I have health problems that I was born with.....some are sometimes serious and my bf does not deal with this well at all. He likes to listen, but he gets nervous and avoids the subject and doesn't know how to deal mentally with what I go through. At this stage in our relationship it is okay that he does this, but it worries me to furthur our relationship because I don't think he could give me the mental support that I need with my health problems if we were married for instance. How can I help him learn to deal with them.....that I will be okay?How can I help my boyfriend deal with my health problems?
I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and when I 1st started dating my now husband. He had a hard time b/c there is at least 1 day a week that I can't even get out of bed. There were times I thought he was gone and never coming back but he always did. It took him almost 3 years to get use to the fact that it was always going to be there. Now I have been married for 9 years and I have 3 young boys. I will tell you to wait things out give him time he will learn to deal with it.How can I help my boyfriend deal with my health problems?
I am glad I could give you some hope back. I am doing ok today but every day brings new things to deal with. If you want you more then welcome to email me any time.

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Jeff J said it all.
As long as he knows, that your health problems will get worse. He needs to understand the seriousness of your illness %26amp; what he's getting into, if he can't deal with you by communication or mental support then let him go.
You shouldn't have to help him with your medical problems. He should help you with them.
don't just dump him b/c he doesn't know what to do. (not that I think you would- and not that i know you. . . ) he's uncertain and afraid of doing the wrong thing (i'm thinking) so he does nothing.


tell him out right what you need from him. don't just say, ';I need support,'; say, ';sometimes, I need you to come over w/ ice cream (or whatever) and just sit and watch romantic comedies w/ me. sometimes i need you to tell me everything will be all right, etc.';


then if he doesn't do it. . . he needs to go.
Without knowing what they are, I'm at a loss here.
meg, you said it perfectly.....





If he can't help you through this darkness in your life... how will he be your knight in shining armor? When things really do or if they do... do you have fullfaith that he will be by your side all the way through? or will he get scared and run?
One way that might help is to seek counselling so that you have a chance to talk as much as you want, and then when you come to discuss these things with your boyfriend it's all not so immediate and, perhaps, on the occasions when it doesn't suit him to confront them, not so necessary to you to discuss them. If he wants to avoid supporting you by talking them through altogether then perhaps he's not the right man for you, but if it's a case of him not always being able to face up to your needs then perhaps talking to someone else may take the pressure off...
How the frig can we answer this when you don't tell us specifics about the problems
You may not be able to. Some, especially those people who have not have any themselves... just don't do well dealing with health issues. I hate to say it, but I am terrible with them as well. It isn't that he doesn't care, he may be like me and just uncomfortable because he doesn't know what is right or wrong to say or do. Have you tried just saying... I need you to...?

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