First, you should read as much as possible about your disease, so that you can answer his (or future boyfriend's) questions and so that you can prevent transmitting it. Choose a reliable resource - I like the website and telephone hotline of the American Social Health Association - so that you know you are getting accurate info (unlike a lot of information that comes from YahooAnswers). To keep your partner(s) safe, you need to know how the disease is transmitted, and how to protect against transmission.
Also, make sure that your boyfriend has a reliable place to get information about herpes other than you. Once he has a chance to learn more about herpes, he'll likely get more comfortable with you. But he needs to be acting on accurate, up to date information.
He will not get herpes on his hands. In fact, if you are on Valtrex, and you use a condom, it is unlikely that he will get herpes at all. (A study showed less than 1% transmission rate for couples using both Valtrex and condoms, with no sex during known outbreaks.)
I know how scary it is to tell someone that you have herpes. Congratulations on doing the right thing.How to help my boyfriend deal with my genital herpes?
Educate!
He is afraid of what he does not know. Rightfully so.
So educate him and yourself.
If he can't get over how he feels, then you obviously are not right for each other.
That does not make him a bad person. Everyone has a right to chose who they want to be involved with, especially if it is someone who has an incurable virus.
Good luck!
well its good you told him but i dont blame him i wouldnt have sex it wouldnt matter how much i loved the person i wouldnt have sex with someone with herps
I have genital herpes, and no man I have told has ever treated me that way. They have all made me feel loved and desired.
Just because you have herpes does not justify behaving like that. He can't care about you very much if he is prepared to hurt you in that way. There are plenty of men out there that would treat you a lot better. My boyfriend makes me feel like I am the most gorgeous woman in the world and my herpes is not a problem for him at all.
I doubt he is going to get better, unfortunately some people are just freaked out by it and can't handle it, that is highly unlikely to change, and it will do nothing but destroy your self esteem.
For myself, I couldn't be content with him allowing me to pleasure him but him not being prepared to touch me. I would rather not have sex with him at all than be treated like that. I would say 'if you are not prepared to touch me, then I won't touch you either'.
I couldn't deal with that behaviour, and neither should you. He either accepts you or he doesn't, there is no excuse in the world for behaving like that. You would be better off without him, because he is stringing you along - he has to make a choice over whether he can accept it, and he isn't, he is just having the best of both worlds, getting his own pleasure while making you feel like dirt, and avoiding accepting you with your herpes. If he can't deal with it, he should have the guts to say so and let you go, or at the very least not accept you pleasing him while he does nothing for you. I can't believe anyone could be so callous. If he actually cared about you, he wouldn't treat you like that, you know, because he would realise he was hurting you and would not want to. Which makes him an idiot. Get out of it.
first of all u should talk to him and let him know how u feel when he does all that. he can't get genital herpes just from touching your hand and u don't need to be treated like a leper. tell him how he is making u feel by the way he is acting. both of u need to do some research. if u think of it from his point of view he probably doesn't want herpes for the rest of his life, but thats no excuse for treating u that way. maybe even set up a doctors appointment for the both of u and ask the doctor about ways to prevent spreading it. at least u are taking valtrex and using condoms which should help cut the risk down. but sometimes condoms don't cover all areas where herpes can spread. sounds like he is not accepting it yet if he can't deal with it more maturely then it may be time to move on.
Kudos to you for being honest before having sex!!!
Most people react negatively to the word ';herpes'; because it's associated with an illness and it's a stigma attached to it. Perhaps, your BF is reluctant to even touch you because he's not well informed about the illness. It's be helpful if you get some info about transmission, symptoms, treatment and such for him the read. Download the info from the net and leave it on the coffee table in the living room so he can see it and read it. Maybe afterward he'd be more considerate toward your feelings.
If things don't work out then the Bf is not husband material.
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