How can i help my boyfriend deal with being adopted?

My boyfriend was adopted, and sometimes he talks about wanting to find his birth parents. However, he finds it really difficult to talk about and sometimes it makes him so worked up he can have panic attacks. I dont push him into talking to me, but he says im the only one he can talk to about these issues and i want to help him. He seems serious about finding his birth parents, but when i suggest he talks to his mum and dad about it he clamps up and says he can't becasue it would be too difficult for him.


What is the right thing to say to him, how do i keep him calm, and what is the best course of action that i can suggest to him?How can i help my boyfriend deal with being adopted?
Your boyfriend is lost and having an identity crises.





If he feels the need to find his true birth parents, then he should. If only to see them and find out why he was put up for adoption.





They may or may not even be alive.


My niece was adopted and when she became older she wanted to know her real dad.





I knew him and he was a bum back then. Oh she found him and she found out he's a worthless excuse for a human being.


So, once all was said and done, she was finally content to know who he was and was vowed to never contact him again.





She was much more thankful for her parents and more appreciative.





He may need to tell his parents who have loved and raised him and took him in, that this is in no way to disrespect them, his need to find his biological parents.


But it's a need that it eating him up inside, to only know from them why?


So that he can go forward with his life instead of always looking backward.





Tell him you will support him in whatever decission he makes.


Tell him you will even go with him to his parents if he wants you to.


The first place to start for him is with his parents.


By explaining to them, he only needs to know, that he loves them so much, it is in no way to intentionally hurt them.


Then he needs to ask them if they have any information on either parent.





Make sure when and if he starts this journey, he knows he has you by his side at all times. AND he doesn't forget the real parents that have loved him and provided for him.





Good luck, he won't be happy until he knows.How can i help my boyfriend deal with being adopted?
All you can do is reassure him that no matter what his decision, you will be there for him and you are sure that his adopted parents will be too. If you are on good terms with his adopted parents, you may want to tell them that your bf is struggling with this and that they may want to bring the subject up to him about finding his birth parents since he is afraid to do it himself.
the best thing for you to so is to let your boyfriend know that you are there for him. show him that you will support him no matter what he decides to do. have an ear for listening and a shoulder for crying if he needs it.
I was adopted, and never wanted to find my birth parents. Does he have a good relationship with his adoptive parents?


Maybe if he approaches them, they will be more understanding than he thinks, and may help him..On the flip side, if his birth parents wanted to find him, they should have by now...some things are just better left alone..
Just because he occasionally wonders about his birth parents and talks about finding them does not mean he ACTUALLY wants to do it. Do NOT push him in any way. If he really wants to do it, he will come to accept that on his own.





He likely realizes that:


1) creating a child/giving birth does not make someone a parent. His real parents are the people who loved and raised him.


2) seeking his birth parents/potentially developing a relationship with them may cause some degree to ‘hurt’ to his real parents. Sometimes in life we don’t do the things that we want to do because of the effect it will have on other people. If he feels that way it is a very admirable trait.


3) finding his birth parents may not end up ‘wonderful’. I’ve known of cases where people have done it and regretted it greatly because their birth parents didn’t want anything to do with them, and then they felt rejected (twice).





My suggestion--tell him “should you ever decide that you want to search for your birth parents, I will be here to help you in any way that I can” and then leave it alone.
He'll do it when he's ready. I'm glad you want to help,but this is something he really needs to do himself.