How do i get my son and my boyfriends son to get along??? PLease help! Were going crazy!?

I have 2 little boys that are 5 and 7 and my live in boyfriend has a son that is 7 and visits our home every other weekend. When hes here things seem to be very rambunctious (not because of just him but they all are showing off i think). My 5 yr old stays out of all the fighting and just enjoys fun, but the eldest two have competion issues all the time. I just want to pul my hair out of my head. They fight over toys, tv stations, even who sits where in the car. I mean its never ending. I cant stand it. I start yelling and am just amess the entire weekend. I hate it! My boyfriend deals with it better than i do, but i tend to favor my son and he tends to favor his son, then he and i fight. Please help, if anyone has ideas here. I dont want to lose my boyfriend over this. How do i get my son and my boyfriends son to get along??? PLease help! Were going crazy!?
First, stop favoring one kid over the other...they are going to notice and take advantage of it. You and your boyfriend need to be on the same page when it comes to discipline so there is consistency from both parents. Yelling isn't going to do it. You need to separate them and put them both in time out. Once they are done and things are calm, have them explain why they are fighting (even if you know why) and then explain how to handle problems a more rational way. Then make them apologize to each other.How do i get my son and my boyfriends son to get along??? PLease help! Were going crazy!?
Only way I see is talk to your son. Tell your son you like that person and mention his good qualities. Tell him to compromise while your boyfriend and his son are there. Later after they leave you will give your son a gift/present for his behaviour.





Talk to your boyfriend`s son and appreciate him whenever he is friendly and nice.






I would explain that they have to get along with each other. Maybe you can put up the toys that he does not want to share. Explain that this other boy is his ';brother'; and he needs to love him like his other brother.
First off....you and your boyfriend need to sit down and talk about it. You both are going to favor your own kid, but if your going to have a relationship you gotta let that go and be open to both kids.





Now, when the boys start fighting over toys give them ONE warning, if they don't stop, take the toy away. Same with game systems. You cant keep saying your going to punish them and not do it because they will learn your not going to do what you say.





Now, his son will probably pull the your not my mom card....your boyfriend needs to talk to him about when he is in the house he needs to listen to both of you, no matter what. Same for your son, he needs to listen when your boyfriend asks him to do something.





When they fight over where to sit in the car....Im guessing the front seat? They BOTH sit in the back. Or when they are with you they have assigned seating, the 5 year old sits up front and they are in the back.





Let them know until they can learn to get along while in your house your not going to let them do what they want.





IF this does not help at all, then a time chart....get egg timers for them both and a chart. write each name down and what time they get to play with certain things...set their timers for hour times and if they fight, they don't get their hour, they have to wait





When they get tired of all the schedules and punishments and complain, let them know when they can both grow up and get along toggether things will change, but until then this is how it is.





Good luck....
the problem is that they're used to their lives being one way, then all of a sudden they have to deal with another ';brother';. Children especially like routine and consistency. it's like, your son is used to having his toys, having things a certain way, etc, then all of a sudden there's someone else in his space that he has to get used to. Then all of a sudden the other kid is gone and things are back to normal. Children aren't naturally equipped with the ability to make quick adjustments like that. after a long while they will get used to the arrangement, but it'll take some time. Moreso, whenever they meet together they have to establish authority- your son because it's his house and his brothers, your boyfriend's son because he needs to feel like he has a place in his father's home.





what you should do is


1. have a set place for your boyfriend's child. in a way so that (a), when he comes for the weekend he's more seamlessly integrated into the family, and (b) when he's gone, his presence still lingers. (ie, there are reminders of him all over the place, so even when he's gone the kids are still used to him being around





2. they should have a lot of time interacting with each other in a neutral zone (a place where neither one has claimed ';territory';. like a park you guys only go to when the boyfriend's son comes down, etc.). that way no one feels like their space is invaded.





3. they boys should be able to see each other, even not on the weekend the boyfriend's son visits. (now, this may not be possible, but it would help).