How do you deal with a boyfriend who has a child he hasn't seen in several years?

I am in a very serious relationship with a man who had a child in college and hasn't seen that child in several years. He obviously feels very guilty about it, but says that the child's stepfather is taking good care of her. I am not sure how to deal with this. This is a man I want to spend the rest of my life with... What is the best way to handle the situation?How do you deal with a boyfriend who has a child he hasn't seen in several years?
the best way to handle the situation is to talk to him a bit more and find out exactly what's going on and whether or not he really regrets his choices and what he'd do differently if he had it to do over again.





This last part is very important if you plan on having children w/ him because w/ people, past behavior is a prediction of future behavior if they haven't grown. His reasons for not being a part of his daughter's life will also tell you what kind of man he used to be (%26amp; could still be) and what type of relationship he had w/ his ex and how he behaves in a break up. Be leery of any blanket statements where everything is all the other person's fault--it is very very rarely true. Believe complaints about the ex when he also is able to point out his negative behavior in the situation.





you've been given a heads up that you need to move slowly w/ this guy until all of your questions have been answered. This isn't the sort of convo you can have and expect a big one time info dump. This is something that will be ongoing for a while and that will reveal itself over time if you're paying attention.How do you deal with a boyfriend who has a child he hasn't seen in several years?
If he had a relationship with his child that was a happy one, there would be no reason that he would not see his child, no matter who is taking care of her. There's a reason behiond him not seeing his child and the reason is NOT that the stepfather is taking of her!! You need to get to the bottom of that before you get too far involved with this person. Maybe he's really a deadbeat dad - hate to say that, but he could be! Maybe somethng happened between him and his daughter that you are not aware of.


Nothing would keep me away from my children for several years, NOTHING! No matter who was taking care of them!





You may very well find that there is more to this story that he has not told you, be gentle in your probing him for answers! But you need answers and true ones, if you plan to spend the rest of your life with this person.
Holly, he needs to explain to you why he has chosen to not be apart of his child's life until now. This may have a great impact on your relationship. How would he treat you and your child if you have one together? Would he walk away from you? You need to really resolve this but deal with it with plenty of love but be FIRM with him. Show him that you indeed respect him but this is a very serious part of you guys lives. This is effecting five people and his child is center and most important in his life, before you and your relationship. The child needs to know that he loves and cares and will be there for them regardless now. He cannot come in and out of her life. This will only makes matters worse. People don't understand the impact of parents being separate from the child. He needs to show you that he is a kind person and he will do anything to make up for lose time. Standing by his side and showing him support and suggest ideas how he and his child can grow closer together. Answers, respect, honestly and patience are key here.
I found out a couple months ago that I might have a kid I didn't know about. If she is mine she's nine years old already.





Before finding out I didn't have a clue. I still don't know if she is mine or not. I've since decided that I am not going to contact the mother or the daughter until she is at least 16 and can handle the mental anguish. If she is mine, the mother probably hasn't told her the truth about who her father is.





I want kids. I think I would be a good father and a devoted husband.





So for you what you need to ask yourself is this man you're interested in the type of person who would be a good father and a devoted husband?





If yes, then don't worry about his kid. He worries about it enough already.
I think that now it will only do harm if ur guy will try to meet his kid. He is just a biological dad, the real dad is one who is bringing it up..


When young, at college people make mistakes. I think that kid is no problem for u. Now u make a new family with the guy.. luck
The only situation going on is in your head!!! Nothing is going to change between you and him unless you start to make an issues out of this. Just support your man and he will continue to take care of you!!!
if you settle for that, then deal with it


otherwise speak up and tell him how you feel and if he don't care send him a ultimatum
u dump him