HOW TO DEAL WITH BOYFRIENDS MOTHER?! HELP!?

My boyfriends mother Hates my guts. Used to really like me over and I would be there all the time. Then I moved to LA and we were having a hard time dealing with the distance when I found out i was pregnant, we told the parents and he told them he wanted to be with me for appointments, etc. His mom cried and begged and pleaded for him not to come be with me, even though I was extremely stressed not being with him and it was bad for the baby and he wanted to see his child develop. finally my boyfriend told them it was official, that he was moving. Later that day his mom cornered me in a room crying and told me it was my OBLIGATION to tell him to stay, that i owed it to her. i was so upset i ran out to my boyfriend crying who was packing the car. we left the next morning around 3 am, around 5 we had to trn around and speed to the hospital because I was having some issues. While i was in the emergency room his parents had him sent out to the waiting room to try and convince him again to stay home AS I WAS IN THE ER AFTER HE HAD RUSHED ME THERE. well my parents got furious, so later that day after i was released with a diagnosis of a bladder infection, i was heavily sedated and we left. 3 days after arriving back in LA i went to another ultrasound, and my baby didnt have a heartbeat, i was having a miscarriage, i was hospitalized and they did everything they could, but they couldnt save it. I had surgery and was put on such heavy medication i was having panic attacks for over a week and had to go back to the hospital with complications from surgery. his dad told him it was good he came down but his mother 3 DAYS AFTER MY SURGERY AND OUR LOSS started begging him pleading him to come home, even had his best friend and PASTOR and UNCLE from back home call and tell him he was breaking his mothers heart and needed to come home. Thankfully he stayed with me. a month later we decide to make the trek home. halfway there we got into a very bad accident that totaled our car, and caught it on fire, i had to kick my way out and pull him away from the fire cuz he didnt see it. the rescuers told us i should have died and he should have been in critical care. well his parents get in the car and come get us. my parents were working. as SOON as they got there they hugged us and were telling us how they were so grateful for us to be alive....then START THREATENING HIM TO COME HOME. tell him ';god came to them and told him that he needed to be home'; and ';oh son how can you go against what god told us'; which made him feel like **** (his mom isnt christian i realize, shes evil) and threaten him into coming home because they knew almost all his money was gone, he was having a hard time getting a job and they said they wouldnt replace his car and would remove him from all insurances etc if he stayed there with me. oh and the only way they were payin for college was if he was in our HOMETOWN LIVING WITH THEM. my poor boyfriend has had to go through hell and back from their stupidity, and its caused us to fight alot. luckily my dad brought him one of their cars for a few weeks and we were working through it for now. recently we came home for a break and he was supposed to spend a day celebrating thanksgiving with my family, instead they bitched at him when he told them he was at my house PLAYING CARds WITH MY FAMILY. and she forced him to drive to ohio the next day. we flew back to LA and the other day we were driving home from LA, supposed to stop along the way for a family reunion on the side of the family i just lost a grandmother and it was the first holiday without her and my grandad wanted everyone ESPECIALLY me there. well his parents get on the phone and tell him he is selfish and as long as they had their car he wasnt going and he was making a dumb decision. it infuriates my parent so bad they drive a few hours out of their way and drop one of our cars off at an exit and we change cars and leave the car for his parents to pick up. once we finally got all the way home the other day i havent been able to go out with my boyfriend because they keep holding things over his head. my boyfriend asked his mom what she all of a sudden had against me and she told him she just heard things about me and i have a lot of guy friends. (my boyfriend knows this, and my parents even told him they only let me have guy friend when i was little) so she kept what she ';heard about me a secret'; until tonight when they kept him home again (luckily i saw him earlier, hes been spending days with me telling them hes somewhere else) and they wanted to have the ';talk'; with him. Told him he needed to stop spendin so much time iwth me and balance his time (even though I am moving back to LA and he is staying so we will be apart for 4 months) and told him he couldnt go to a wedding with me in NC (which I asked her to her face about if he could go and she said yes so i rsvp'd for him and everything) when i told him i finally had enough and he needed to standHOW TO DEAL WITH BOYFRIENDS MOTHER?! HELP!?
I had similar thing in my past relationship. This what NEEDS to be done.





Your boyfriend needs to take a stand. And even know I doubt you want to you both need to sit down with his parents and talk this out. You need to tell his parents that you aren't trying to replace anyone from his family. But he is with you and you want to be a part of him. And thou your not replacing anyone you are his first priority right now. And you need to talk about boundaries, it doesn't sound like they have much of anything. And your boyfriend needs to realize that if he loves you and wants to be with you he needs to step up and say that. I dont by the whole vision of god telling them to do something, I mean what if you went to sleep tonight and woke up and said well I had a vision that God told me he needed to be with me.


This is not a good place to be. And its hard being apart. Honestly it sounds like your boyfriend has to cut the cord. If they are gonna hang financial obligations over his head. He needs to say the heck with it. Because as long as he is under there thumb they will have something to guilt him with. The sooner he can get out from underneth him the better. I know that changed my life all for the better. Yeah it sucked eating mac and cheese and Ra men noodles but the feeling of paying my own insurance and such was better than steaks.


If something doesn't change its gonna come to the point where you are gonna snap and say look you have to choose. And thats the worst thing you can do. No one likes being told they have to make a choice, let alone a choice between loved ones.


I would try sitting down, maybe with the pastor friend.


And you know if they are so christian then why are they listening to gossip, that happend to me ALOT with my ex. They heard things never once did they ask me if they where true. And even if they where thats not who you are now. You may have had many boy friends you may have guy friends now. But that was in your past and you shouldnt let them use that to judge your feature.





Good Luck...I really feel for you. Try writting a letter to your boyfriends parents, even if you dont send it, it will be a good venting excerise, and you need to have a very serious talk with your boyfriend and his parents. If you want to live together things seem very serious. So its time for everyone to grow up and act like adults. Life is to short to spend time dealing with a power struggle over an adult male.





Good Luck...HOW TO DEAL WITH BOYFRIENDS MOTHER?! HELP!?
Wow... He was being a ';man'; and doing what the bible says, being there for his family (you and your unborn baby). The uncle/pastor needs to stay out of the issue. You are adults. You are moving on as adults. Mom has some MAJOR issues, if she can't cut the apron strings. Seriously! You and the boy friend need to sit down and hash things out. Find out where you are going in your relationship, see what he wants out of it. If you are on the same page, then you need to tell him how you feel about his mother. He will have to put Mom on notice. Tell her (with you present) that you are going to be his (Significant other/wife/love slave, whatever), and that she can either choose to accept you, or face the dreadful consequence of forcing her beloved son from her own life! It seems he may also have to find his own creative way to pay for college... Student loans, grants, working for Labor Ready... He should go to the college and talk with the financial aid specialists and see what they can do to help him, in case his parents cut him off. He may also need to change phone numbers, not open any e-mails, and return any letters from Mommy Dearest, unopened. Cut ties. Have him send her a letter once a month, no return address, giving her a full report on how well he is faring, so she won't be allowed to worry. (you can also put an ';happy add'; in the local paper once a month saying Hi mom, everything is wonderful out here in SUNNY LA! Love ya, and his name) People will see that and also tell her they saw it. Just gives you guys one step up and away from the insanity and hatred. GOOD LUCK!
wow you have a lot of problems with his parents i dont know what to say ..probably if you guys get married is going to get worse.... your with him not his parents....sorry about ur loss...or maybe if you do get married it wont be that bad cuz you would move in together,,,i dont know
If you are in a committed relationship, the past needs to stay in the past.


I have to wonder what your boyfriends mother has in her past that she would like to have dug up.


She may have all these issues because she knows how she is.


Tell your boyfriend to make his decision. You or them.


They are manipulating him to control what he does.


I don't know how old he is but from what you are telling in your story, I figure between 17 and 21.


I can understand their concerns that he would marry before college.


Most parents have some dreams for their children and it does break their heart when the dream is dashed.


It is the boyfriends decision. Tell him to make his choice.
sounds like you'll have to get him to cut ties completely, that's all there is to it, he either has to completely severe ties with his family and ignore them forever, or break up with you, you probably don't even need to ask, if he loves you then he's already contemplating it.
Okay, so it sounds like his family treats him like a ';momma's boy'; and your the evil you-know-what who is tearing his family apart. OMG! I've been there with my own mother-in-law, who even kept me from seeing my husband while he was in the hospital, by getting there first, and having him sign her on the authorization papers while he was sedated. (I wasn't able to see my own husband for 8 days!) And I'm sorry for your loss. I went through a similar situation with my guy, where his mother was pleading with me in secret how she and her husband would pay me to get an abortion! Even though my husband was the only guy who could have been the father, she would try to convince him that he wasn't the father, etc. I told him straight up, that I was his wife (even though this is not quite yet the case with you). I told him that if he wanted his mother to take his life over that bad, I would hand everything over to her-- including our ';marriage'; bed. I told him how mentally sick it was for a woman to not allow her son to go out in the world and make a life for himself. I mean, what would happen if he went for all that, and something were to happen to them? He wouldn't know what to do, because for all this time, he had been depending on his family to do it for him. I told him that if this was the case, that there were other guys out there who didn't have that kind of baggage, and how I could possibly be better off anyways. In the end, he shaped up (somewhat), and tore off that umbillical cord. But in hindsight, you guys are not married, and perhaps you would be better off in finding one of those kinds of guys yourself. Best of luck, and decide wisely!





PS-- Maybe God was taking drastic measures in telling you that you shouldn't have left, by making the accident happen-- what baloney to say such a thing to you guys!