How to deal with boyfriends overbearing grandmother?

I have been living with my boyfriend in his house for almost a year now. Before moving in i knew little about how much his grandmother ';takes care of him';. She lives about 10 houses down the street and has her own key to our home. Her daily routine is to enter our home while we are both at work to see what groceries, etc. we may need in the morning and then brings them to our house in the afternoon, while we are still at work, and drops them off leaving us with a bill. Some might think that this is great, i do not. I take pride in keeping a house and doing the ';womanly'; duties. It may be different if she even tried to form some sort of relationship with me but she has not over the past year. Instead she does the opposite by trying to turn my boyfriend againts me. She not only enters the house for groceries but also welcomes herself to our laundry room to see if anything needs ironing, etc. I feel this is an invasion of my space and I feel as if I am in a relationship with my boyfriend AND his grandmother. He claims its not a big deal and that she has been doing this for him for over 8 years, why stop now. I am his first live in girlfriend and he is now 34 years old. It is bringing me to a breaking point. We constantly argue about this leading to no conclusion. I know he is trying to keep her busy as she really has no one but him but i feel there has to be a better solution. Is it crazy for me to not want her entering our home as she pleases??How to deal with boyfriends overbearing grandmother?
Ask for the key back in a NICE way. You can sweeten the blow by suggesting you drop the shopping list off to her and ask would she mind very much collecting the groceries for you. By shifting the fact that she is doing things for her grandson to doing things for YOU instead you may well build up a relationship, otherwise she will feel you are trying to exclude her. Remember, you may want to continue being helpful to your grandson one day!How to deal with boyfriends overbearing grandmother?
How could you not know about this before you moved in? He is thirty four and is not going to change. Either live with it or move on. I have a feeling you haven't put forth any effort towards getting to know her better either.
It's not crazy -- you're competing with her, which is a very natural reaction. It's not exactly healthy for someone in their 30's to be that mothered; it's usually better for the child to grow up and learn how to live their own lives, and lean on a partner instead of a parent. However! It's very clear that this isn't going to change. You will always be secondary in the ';mother/woman of the house'; role until she is no longer capable of it. If you can't tolerate how he lives, well, don't live with him. If it's easier to be his girlfriend when you're not trying to compete over who takes care of his domestic needs, and not feeling intruded upon, then that sounds like the answer for you.
You could go in one of several directions with this. One would be to change the locks. Another would be to leave grammy a grocery list and perhaps a list of other chores that need to be done around the home, such as cleaning out the oven or washing the windows. If her work is below your standards, you should point that out in the note. A third approach would be to leave things lying around that might discourage her from snooping. The first thing that comes to mind would be a huge black anatomically detailed vibrator.
Why stress over it?


If your boyfriend doesn't have a problem with his grandmother doing the ';womanly duties'; as you put it... Give in to her - with a catch - pay her a salary - and don't do any ';woman duties'; - that would be her job. Your job would be to concentrate on your priorities like work, education, marriage, social engagements, etc.





Why hire a maid (a stranger) to help you around the house when you can have dear old grandma to do it all (and she can't complain if she is getting paid for cleaning, lol)





Once grandma realizes you are taking advantage of her (wink, wink) she will stop coming over as often.





*Arguing with someone who does things for free is a losing battle, paying someone (any amount) demands that there are results... see my point?